Not Just Another Number

December 15, 2010

A lot has transpired since we decided to move Nitalia back to kindergarten in September. She continued to get negative reports from her new teacher. She wasn’t sitting still, she was distracted, she was bossy…the list was, in my mind, endless. Each day I would pick Nitalia up from school, I would receive a new negative report. It felt overwhelming.

Let me go back, Nitalia has been in some form of school since the fall of 2007 that means she was almost 3 when she began her first Montessori school. At conferences three months into the school year we found out that Nitalia was not choosing work. The idea that a teacher would wait three months to tell a parent there seemed to be a glitch in the learning of the child was outrageous to me. I am a teacher; a week into the school year I would call parents and let them know what is happening if it didn’t fit the educational plan of the child.

Montessori is not the right choice for everyone, and at the time we felt maybe it was not the right choice for Nitalia. So in the fall of the next year we moved her to a private pre-school housed in a Catholic church. At 4, Nitalia did well playing with the other children, doing crafts, learning about Jesus. That year at her annual wellness exam, the pediatrician who has been seeing her since birth asked when we planned to do for kindergarten. He suggested something non-traditional as his observations of Nitalia during the twenty minutes each year he saw her suggested to him that she would be board in a traditional classroom. He thought she would need something extra.

So began our quest to find the right fit for Nitalia when it came to schools.

At the time she was doing well in the private, church based, preschool, so we re-enrolled her. That fall with the changing of the leaves came the complaining about Nitalia’s behavior. She speaks out of turn, she can’t sit still, she doesn’t follow the rules.

One day on my way home from teaching, I noticed a small bus in front of me with the name and number of Primrose School in Eden Prairie, Minn. I called and got an appointment. This was the week prior to the winter holiday break, so I schedule the tour and meeting for the following week.

Nitalia went to Primrose with me that day. The school’s director, Ben Adams, took her into a room and gave her an assessment the next day. In his words, she would be able to handle the kindergarten curriculum easily, so after the first of 2010, Nitalia began kindergarten. 8-3 Monday-Friday, she had her mind exercised. She studied math, reading, science, social studies, music, and got to exercise her body too.

Then we moved to California, and with the changing of the school came the complaints about her behavior. So, to make it easy for myself and the first grade teacher I moved Nitalia to kindergarten, where for a week or so it felt as if we had made the right choice.

Going back to kindergarten should have been the best thing for everyone. The facts are simple; last year she only had half a year of kindergarten, she didn’t turn six until October 10, 2010, and if we were in Minnesota she would be in kindergarten. Simple, she should have been happier; I should have been happier.

But the behavioral complaints just kept coming in, so I took steps to have Nitalia tested. Each and every teacher who has complained about her behavior has been asked the same question; is Nitalia’s behavior substantially worse than most kids her age? The answer, no one gives us one! They pussy foot around as if I haven’t asked it so they can recues themselves of any responsibility.

Then I found Dr. David Palmer. Dr. Palmer is a highly regarded licensed child psychologist who specializes in gifted and talented children. December 11, 2010 e gave Nitalia a standard IQ test for children her age. He told us that she is “profoundly gifted” when it comes to her cognitive and reasoning abilities and “above average” academically. His first recommendation, a grade adjustment to FIRST GRADE!

Just having the information makes me feel better. Knowing that her “busy” behaviors such as taking and moving around are because her brain is trying desperately to stay engaged at school is a breath of fresh air. Knowing her serial killer handwriting is not just genetic, her dad has terrible handwriting too, but also “normal” for someone who sees so much of the big picture helps me to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

On Monday I approached Nitalia’s teacher as I would want to be approached with this information. I am a teacher, and I had no idea what characteristics accompany a child with these abilities. All along I knew Nitalia did not have a learning disorder, but how could I be sure. So we had the tests done. Now, I can express to the teacher in a way that is quantifiable that my daughter is not intentionally being “bad” in class, she just can’t sometimes help being distracted, questioning the rules, or already knowing what is being taught.

When I said the number 155, Nitalia’s kindergarten teacher’s facial expression softened and she sighed, “ohhhhh…”

Yes, when you Google “IQ score 155” you will understand.

So while it is a relief knowing she does not have a learning disorder, there is a different kind of stress that goes along with a child whose IQ is higher than your own.

From what I have read so far, I can always make a different choice for her in terms of schooling if the first choice doesn’t fit. And what I am quickly learning as a parent is that the school will do whatever they can to help me. So we do have that going for us.